August 22, 2007

For dinner, yesterday, I had some delicious zucchini and squash with onions and parmesean cheese and chicken. I probably only had 1 serving of chicken, but due to the oil in the food, and the cheese, it was not the lowest calorie meal in the world.

The scale said I gained some weight, but I'm hoping it is due to increased mucscle mass. All I know is I have been hungry, but am trying to eat healthy, even if I am hungry.

Today:

7:30am

75-100 steel cut oats-1/2 to 3/4 serving
30 organic grade B maple syrup
15 butter

bottle water

I said "No!" to Starbucks, too. Are you proud of me? And I resisted the temptation to eat crakcers in my fiends car.

11

80 1 1/2-2 oz chicken
9 few pieces of zucchini with onions
80 oil
20 parmesean cheese


11:30

homemade stirfry
55-65 -brown rice - 1/4 - 1/3 cup
60 2 servings veggies (broccoli, cauliflower, carrots)
30 ginger and oil homemade sauce

454-494

I do feel full, but want to make sure I'm full since we're headed out to the mall and there is a lot of temptation there.

The goal will be to eat a low calorie snack and a healthy dinner.

Tuesday, August 21

After and Before:




Hmmm...I'm not sure if the difference is evident, but the difference is there or should I say, less of me is here, now.

I would like to report on my successes. I am down to 156.6 and wearing a size 10 at most stores. This equates to a size small or medium in women's or a size medium to large in juniors. I can hardly believe that I wear a junior size anything... I bought a pair of junior size 11 skinny jeans. It is really unbelievable to me. My bra size went from a 36DD bra down from 38DD. I wonder if a size 36D would fit... I notice more flab on my body and don't like that, so I'm trying to strength train. My areas of focus are legs, arms and stomach.

Best of all, I can wear a size 10 at most stores. At some stores this is a 12 and some stores this is an 8. My goal was only to be a size 8. So, I am almost there. I am just a pound or 2 past the halfway point. So, I've come a long way and also have quite a bit in front of me. But, this is such an accomplishment. It has been so long since I was a size 10. Probably about 7-8 years. For a former fat girl, I feel skinny. High heels are more comfy. My feet may have shrunk, too. I finally bought some new clothes. Just a few items, though. I don't want a closet full of clothes of all sizes, I'd like to get rid of all of my big clothes.

I have had a serious case of the munchies...aughhh! I have chalked it up to the strength training increasing my metabolism and have given in to the repeated cravings in moderation. Usually, what I like to do is determine why I'm having a craving and do something else to satisfy it. For example, if I really want chocolate milk, I may need fat or be having a sweet tooth. For a sweet tooth craving, prunes will usually kill the craving. For a cream/fat craving, it means my diet has been too low fat. But I have had chocolate cravings, mocha cravings and coffee cravings for about a week and they won't go away. I don't know what to do.

Today I ate:
*110 cal 2-3 bottles of cocoa bean flavored diet mix. It is called Right Size, and tastes very good to me. It has fiber and protein. I use less mix than the directions call for.
* free 1 bottle water
*275 Some espresso filled chocolates from Trader Joes
(Yesterday I drank chocolate slim fast)
*485 I also ate a quesadilla with at least 2 servings of cheese approx 300 on a flour tortilla 130 with refried beans 55
*150 2 boiled eggs today. I was freaking hungry...WTF?!
*I also had a sip or 2 of some diet pepsi-whew! yesterday I drank about 1/2 bottle of diet pepsi that made me feel ill...like I used to feel all of the time. And it was not due to the caffeine alone, since I drink black coffee nd drink green tea and sometimes drink low cal energy drinks and take diet meds with caffeine on occassion. It must be the chemicals in the soda. ewww.
*80 appetite curbing drink with hoodia, blueberry juice, etc.
*200 Today I also ate some broccoli, cahsew and mushroom sauce in a frozen bag at Trader Joes and ate about 1/2 or 3/4 bag of that, it was slammin!

1300 total

That is a lot of calories and I haven't had dinner yet. Maybe I'll skip it or have veggies only. Thiis what happens when you don't plan your meals or track what you eat. And I may have had more cheese than is reported. I didn't measure.

On the bright side, I only ate 1300-1600 calories and that is right around my goal weight maintainance. I will try to log in and record my food intake tomorrow, too, so I can at least stay on track for maintenance. It's a good thing hat on a fucked up day I still didn;t go crazy. This is the thing about weight loss, keeping up good healthy eating habits even when life is crazy.

Also on the bright side, I did a few hundred cruchies and reduced my work obligations.

Some ideas for tomorrow:
Drink water! Lots of it before every meal. and between each meal.
Eat a small breakfast even if I'm not hungry. With all food groups.
Don't eat the chocolates. They dodn;t give me much energy and took a lot to curb my chocolate craving.
Eat all veggies for lunch. Not quesadillas or eggs. If I'm really wanting quesadilla and eggs, eat whites only or just 1 yolk or a mostly veggie or mostly bean quesadilla with veggies and just a sprinkling of chese on 1/2 tortilla.

Did I tell you I have been tired? Really tired like I don't know what to do. Shoot. And cranky/grumpy. I wonder if I should do the master cleanse again? I quit on day 6 last time. Lately, I have been wanting to feel full. What is that about?!

I will try to see if taking better care of myself will help me to take care of my health. I should go to bed early. I will try to.

August 4th Saturday Master Cleanse

Well, it is Saturday at 6:19am. I've been up since 4:30am and have completed some work assignments and washed and folded 1 1/2 loads laundry. Since being on the MC (this is my 6th day), I've been going to bed a little earlier-more like 9 something instead of 10 something in bed, and have had energy to do a few loads of laundry each day. I wake up every day at 4:30, which not coincidentally, I've been trying to do since earlier this year, My son started soccer this week, so I have committed to walk him to practice each day-it's only 10 minutes each way. I also will do a few laps around the park. I need to figure out how to make exercise part of my life, rather than make time to exercise. Doing more household chores is 1 way I have been doing this.

I have not had a problem with being hungry bored or wanting to chew while on MC. The only hard part has been behavior associations I have with food. For example: Friday at my friends home, she was getting ready to get some already cooked fried chicken from the store. That gave me a craving/taste for fried chicken. But, I did manage to cook popcorn with butter for my kids without eating it, so victory. As of yesterday, I weighed 160.2lbs and my fat was down to around 35 or 36%. (from over 42% fat and 181lbs June 5)

I have been having desires to cook vegetarian meals for my family. I know I can't eat them, but I want to blend herbs. When I get done with MC, I could see myself going salt free. I have no craving taste for salt, but I still sometimes crave breads-corn bread and white bread and biscuits. Stuff I don't even normally eat.

I really want to stay on MC until I reach my target weight of 130. As Eric Carle would write: "Can I do it? Yes I can!" My mini goal is at least 10 days and then do detox.

It will be nice to lose weight over weekend for once. It has been so difficult to keep up healthy habits over the weekends.

I've been giving a lot of thought to maintenance and lifestyle. I never want to backslide. Some people lose weight and become slender and then gain it back. I don't want that to happen, so I've been thinking about how do skinny people live? I've been thinking about what happens when life becomes hectic, because stresses do happen change happens and I really want to keep up this things I do when that happens. But how will I? Can I simply never allow myself to not make time for my own health? Is that too broad of a goal? Is it impossible to control the world like that or am I simply saying I will not allow myself to be controlled by the world. What will I do?

Maybe it's just about commitment to continue healthy living: Here's what I have been doing and what I will have to continue to do:

-measuring my food portions
-making sure that the bulk of my meals is vegetable based
-making lower calorie food choices
-not eating after 7pm
-Not eating with family when we are out to eat or visiting and they only have unhealthy foods. I have not been successful with this one. I've got to substitute an activity for the food, like taking a walk or drinking water or eating a different vegetarian dish, because seriously, even the vegetable dishes at restaurants and at families house have so much fat added that I have gained weight from them. Do I pack a snack/pack a meal? I don't want to appear rude. I will have to limit myself to only eating the unprocessed whole versions of foods. Ex: corn on the cob or salad or picking the skin or batter off my chicken. I hope my 130lb body will motivate me to do these kinds of things and I pray I won't be viewed as rude by my family.
-I can probably commit to light excercize 3 times per week for 15-30 minutes max excercize-but that doesn't allow you to eat much more food. I do love the way I feel-way more energetic and i feel like doing chores and things it is amazing. Maybe that will motivate me. If I can remember how I used to have no energy and now I have so much more.

I've determined I will exercise harder for 30mins - 1 hour on the holidays in order to deal with that. But it seems like in my extended family, we have a holiday whenever we get together. It's funny, I used to consider it great to eat all the time with family that can cook such great foods, but now it just scares me. It;s also funny that I have realized that I feel more comfortable around family who know and verbally support me in my weight loss. But some people have said nothing. Like they don't see it. I wonder if they are jealous or upset or really haven't noticed. I've lost 20-25lbs and have gone from a size14-16 to 10-12. Maybe they haven't noticed. Maybe I'm paranoid.

Or maybe this is all too much to do long term, and I need to keep it simple like:

• exercise 35 mins -1 hour 4+ days per week.
• skip 1 meal per day or replace it with a low calorie diet shake or yogurt or an apple or a bowl of cereal.
• Continue to drink water before each meal
• when with family or out to eat, drink 2 waters before each meal and 1 glass between each plate/serving
• Try to start eating 15-20 mins after them
• Get control of the weekends so I can eat somewhat normally during the week.
• or substitute meals on the weekends
• understand that weekend and family time do not mean eat crazy bad food. There are other ways to bond and have fun.
• Just say no to comfort foods for no reason. Only in strict moderation, and since many comfort foods are addictive to me, just say no.
• Stay busy doing other things. my life shouldn't revolve around eating.
• Tend my garden-this burns calories and is a distraction
• Clean my house
• Take a walk with my baby or son or the others in my home.